I often wonder how my mom would have managed if she had thousands of early 80's images to compare herself to, when planning her own wedding back in pre-internet 1982. Would she have reconsidered the hat shaped like a little boat, if it was deemed to be last year's style? Would she have fretted over appetizers that were not curated down to the infused bone marrow (is that even a thing)? How would my parent's generation have reacted to an influx of 'Best Day Ever' signage on top of wedding cakes, when we all know that there are a lot of other really, really good friggin' days out there? Like, maybe, my best day ever was when I drank a lot of wine with my best friend and passed out on the couch after she gifted me a fragrant bouquet of cilantro?
I've raided through my parent's wedding album and found some pictures taken by my mom's brother (no professional photographers needed, folks). If anyone is posing, it's less of a smug 'all eyes are on me' kind of pose and more of a 'deer caught in headlights' kind of pose. People seemed to be less accustomed to the spotlight back then. Perhaps because they didn't need to heavily brand their weddings, or their love. They simply got married, if that was their kind of thing.
Now we spring for engagement photos, and fairy lights, in hopes that a friend will say 'this is so unique. I haven't seen it on Pinterest a million times yet." It sometimes feels like I'm trying to one-up every other bride that has ever gone through the process before. Maybe add some lavender to my baby's breath bouquets so that I'm not just doing the typical-rustic-outdoor-wedding thing. Oh shit, someone's already done that, too. There's a certain relief in knowing you can't be original these days, because it opens up the possibility of being flawed, and real.
Having been with my partner for almost ten years, I know that the real moments are on the couch watching television when we should be at the gym. If I could host all my loved ones on my couch we'd probably get married there. And yet for this one stressful, delightful, fairytale, overdone night we are going to dress in clothes nicer than the ones we have in our closet, we are going to give you the highlight reel of our past that probably doesn't include the time we whipped our Courtney Love/Kurt Cobain Halloween wigs at each other after a big blowout, and we're going to get hitched.
Maybe none of moments will be Instagram-worthy, maybe they will. But I'm quickly realizing that's not what I should be setting the bar for. So let the chips fall where they may. Maybe my cake will melt a bit. Maybe I'll rip my dress or get too drunk and say something awkward. And maybe in those moments you'll catch a glimmer of the two of us, the people that we really are, the imperfectionists who just happen to love eachother.