At the beginning of any great love story, the physical and emotional charge often seems so strong that it threatens to overpower you, or else why would they call it chemistry?
You know, that early point in any new relationship where the mere sight of one another can cause your stomach to back flip, your heart to squeeze up like you have acute angina, and your thoughts to flood with visions of your significant other. The faze of lip-locking, hand-holding, sonnet-writing bliss that is both wondrous and wondrously brief. Otherwise known as the Honeymoon Period.
Then one day you wake up and you're squabbling over the lint in the dryer.
That old she-devil named reality has finally resurfaced, and you're suddenly in this relationship for the long haul. Perhaps not as thrilling a predicament as you once imagined when you were inhaling romance columns at warp speed, but believe me, long-time love is not without it's entertainment value.
So here are the top ten signs (just in case you were wondering what to look for) that you and your partner are long over the Honeymoon Period of your relationship:
1. You met so very long ago, that one of you now has grey hair, and you've both gained 30+ pounds. When either of you cracks open a photo album from the past, the sight of you two young pups in love almost startles the shit out of you. On the plus side, it's really fun to pinch each others double chins.
2. Where as you used to be shy and tentative to fart around each other, over the years it's transformed into a seriously competitive sport, with medals awarded for loudest, most musical, most achieved in a row, and the silent-but-deadliest. You get the picture.
3. When you're out in public together, rather than hold hands and get all gushy like back in the day, you're bickering, or at the very least pretending to bicker for the sake of entertaining people on the subway. Sometimes you'll spot a hot chick and nudge your guy, at which point he will play the perfect gentleman and look away.
4. Whereas you used to have long, passionate discussions on art, religion, politics, and the meaning of life until the wee hours of the morn, you now have long, passionate discussions about how great your cat is, until approximately 8pm (your bedtime).
"She could be like a cat supermodel, you know?"
5. At suppertime, you inhale everything on your plate, then instead of getting a second helping from the pot or offering your beloved a second helping, you start picking off of your partner's plate. Because lets just face it, everything magically tastes better off of the other person's plate.
6. When you say "lets go to bed early and read" it isn't code for anything scandalous like back in your relationship's heyday. Nope, just you wearing ratty, coffee-stained pajamas reading Orange is the New Black, threatening to throw your book at your partner's head if he keeps turning his pages so loudly.
7. You make fun of each other so often, that your friends sometimes believe it is their civic duty to step in and break up the epic mock-fests. You need to carry around a list of places you shouldn't make fun of each other at- christenings, funerals, supermarkets.
8. You make extravagant plans to go away for the weekend so that you can sip on wine, indulge in a little bit of hot tubbing together and stare deeply into each other's eyes. Then you realize that the 2nd season of House of Cards is available on Netflix and you both decide to postpone your last chance at romance so that you can couch surf the entire weekend instead. The only time you get up is for brief trips to the lavatory, or to refill the Cheetos bowl.
9. You have no shame around each other's family members anymore. You're pretty sure your parents have seen him beer-buzzed belting out Karaoke at several Christmas gatherings, and his mom knows so many of your dark secrets she may as well be your shrink.
10. Despite all of the incriminating evidence above, these little post-honeymoon quirks are what keep you coming back for more. Honeymooning is nice, but if you can evolve together in the long run, well, that's just fabulous.