5 Ways To Make a Serious Statement on the Subway

photo credit: perfectfitcomputers.ca
Subway rides can be boring as heck.  People watching only gets you so far when most of your fellow passengers are clad in business attire and scrolling through their smart phones like a bunch of zombie-bots.

Sometimes you need to step in and get into character to keep things fresh and interesting.  Here are a few suggestions on how you can adopt a persona for your ride, in order to make everyone elses trip that much more memorable:

Character # 1: The Sad Sack

Pull out a 80's self-help book like "I Love You, But Why Are We So Different?" by Tim LaHaye and pretend to dab the tears away from your eyes every so often, or exclaim "so true" and sigh after flipping a few pages.  

How to perfect this look:  It helps if you are wearing a scrunchie in your hair and orthopedic sneakers with a long floral skirt. 

Character # 2: The Bottomless Pit 

Shamelessly gnosh on fast-food in front of all the people who look like they eat salads three times a day, making sure to wipe your salty fingers on your shirt while they cringe with disgust or secret jealousy.  When you get a moment of cell reception, call your significant other, burger in hand, and ask what's for supper within everyone's earshot. 

How to perfect this look:  This look is perfectly complimented by stained sweatpants.


Character #3: The Animal Whisperer

Carry around animal paraphernalia (or better yet an animal) like it's nobody's business.  Everyone loves the doting human lugging around a giant cat tree on the subway.  I've tested this one out, and was helped through the turnstile by an upstanding gentleman and even offered a seat by another such kind soul.  Take this character up a notch and carry your cat on the subway (micro-dogs are too predictable) or a parrot if you can get your hands on one.  If you have a stately bird on your shoulder, you're pretty much gold.  

How to perfect this look:  No need to dress snazzy, let the pet be your main accessory. 

Character #4: THAT girl 

Wear a loud t-shirt, along the lines of "Pizza is my Boyfriend".  It's a fool-proof way of getting a few giggles without being too out there.  

How to perfect this look: Only try this one when you are having a good hair day, otherwise people will believe you. 

credit: lookhuman.com

Character #5: The Proactive Healer 

Carry around your pharmacy products in a clear bag.  Now everyone can marvel at your three bottles of preparation H while you just kick back and sit pretty.  

How to perfect the look:  Move around in your seat with a distressed look on your face to complete the effect.

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Turning it over to you now, Glossless readers.  What are your favourite ways to pass the time on the subway?